"Students"

I hope a standard night for most of you students out there doesn't end in A&E, however, one of mine did recently - and I didn't even have the luxury of being hammered beforehand. I'd been working in the bar and my lot had shown up completely hammered and having a great time, casually rubbing in the fact that I was having to work (and still having the cheek to ask for free drinks) and then about 11:30 they all stumbled out to Liquid. That in itself should have been an indicator that they were far too drunk to be anywhere but bed. I eventually got home at a nice 2am on the phone to my boyo casually gossiping about work and get harassed in the hallway by a surprisingly sober Hettie who starts explaining a long winded story that ended with: "So yeah, Bambi's pretty much dead in bed, cracked her head of an iron bar!" Eh? So we walk into Bambi's room who's looking all innocent drooling on the pillow, like someone in a very happy drunken sleep - apart from the fact she wouldn't wake up. Now I'm very good at pretending not to panic but my head was just screaming "OH MY GOD SHE'S DEAD HOW AM I GOING TO FIND A REPLACEMENT FOR HER PARENTS SHITTT!!" My man tells me to get her awake no matter what and eventually she wakes up and starts speaking nonsense French - I kid you not. The only person I've met when horrifically concussed that attempts to explain the situation in another langugage. Muppet.
So we haul her ass out of bed into a taxi to the hospital, meanwhile bundling out our token 'Gap Yah' pal out of Hettie's bed who is also very drunk and falling over. I almost caught myself reaching for the gin during all this! So we get to the hospital, I'm outside treating myself to a well-deserved fag when GY and myself realise Hettie and Bambi have disappeared. I try running through to the treatment area whilst she distracts the receptionist which almost gets both of us chucked out the bloody hospital. So we sit and yell obscenities at the crone of a receptionist - probably a standard wednesday night for her!
Either way, drama's been averted right? Well sure, whilst Bambi's getting her head fixed two of our friends show up - one in a dressing gown and one in chinos and just a jacket. When asked how they got there the one in the dressing gown who can hardly see straight says: "I drove...HOLY SHIT I DROVE!" So I had one drunk in a treatment room, one in reception and two drink-driving. Was fucking brilliant.
The receptionist by this time won't let us out of her sight and when we eventually sneak our way through to the treatment rooms it's hardly a stealth mission what with B tripping over his dressing gown and R complaining about his stiff nips.
What's more R and GY were trying to reconcile a relationship, I won't go into details but how do you think those conversations go between two drunk people stuck in a hospital both having forgotten important items of clothing - the receptionist was tuning into her own personal soap!
Meanwhile Bambi's claiming it's 1992 and she's in a black box and she has no idea how old she is or even where she lives, and she's finding the whole thing hilarious. I could see the nurse's hand twitch towards the big knock-out drugs, and I wouldn't have blamed her.
Eventually 6 of us bundled into a three-door car and made our way home at 7am. Bambi's still concussed - an excuse she is finding works extremely well on her tutors. There's always a silver lining! Just so long as they all know next time it's their turn to look after me..