In-Flight Entertainment

I have thought of one story to tell you...

To get the cheapest flights I had to do three stopovers over 36 hours which, I can assure you, is not fun. On my middle flight I had my aisle seat ready and waiting for me like I'd planned (aisle is always best, you don't have to move people and it's quite rare that people move you. Also, there's extra leg room although I have been known to get run over by a trolley on a few occasions) but a French couple were sitting seperately and asked me to move so they could sit together yadda yadda yadda no problem. Except I then had a middle seat between an Irishman and an Arab guy. Provisionally this was fine except the Arab guy spoke minimal English, was clearly sexist as he ignored the female air hostesses but not the men, and held up the plane because he wouldn't put his seat up or put his seatbelt on. Very comforting, eh. He slept for the first half of the flight lounging extravagantly  - and let me tell you I had to utilise some sneaky moves to get my armrest - but then woke up after the food and took to just staring at me. It wasn't all the time but it was frequent and held for long enough to make me feel very uncomfortable. He then started to put his hands down his trousers to 'adjust' himself from time to time. I simply decided to ignore him thinking he would pass out again but I was very wrong. When the Irish guy fell asleep he pulled his blanket over his lap, stuck his hands down his trousers and started massaging his prominent erection. Well, my eyebrows disappeared into my hairline and are yet to come back down. I woke up the Irish guy and called a flight attendant who said "I'm sorry, all the seats are full and it's not like anyone is going to want to swap."

....

Yes, I get that, but I'm a nineteen year old girl next to a middle aged pervert, cut me some slack here! Silly Emirates, I will be using that woman's cavalier attitude to get me some First Class seats all the way home!

Thankfully the Irishman found it hilarious and was more than happy to sit next to the Arab guy anyway. But still, it was only one more seat between me and some scarring emotional trauma, so when I got off the flight in Bangkok I did the one thing I know how.

I got drunk.

Down Under

So I've just completed my first week in Sydney, Australia visiting the glorious Sarah (who also has a blog, Inane Ramblings, we are so indie) and I've had a whale of a time. Can I say that? Do people still say that? Either way, I have. I haven't done that much sightseeing as such because I got a pretty awesome view of Sydney when we went skydiving over it! I was the one in the corner freaking out when we first arrived, I started shaking, I went pale, I took up smoking again temporarily, I couldn't speak to anyone. Then four hours went past when we were waiting for the clouds to part and, frankly, I got bored. By our jump I was running around, punching the air, swearing to the high heavens and ready to "do this!" Sarah who had been completely calm up until that point got into the helicopter and suddenly went "I can't look down, I can't look down, I'm not looking down!" My skydiving bloke then noticed her leg strap had come undone which did not help her vertigo as her partner still didn't notice her prodding him going "uuuuh excuse me???" But she got to jump fully tied up and she had a great time. For me it was amazing, the view was incredible and the feeling of falling was amazing. I highly recommend it to everyone, although when he told me to fly the parachute after we released it I had images of me plunging us into the sea, but apparently he shared the same visions as he never truly let go. Plusthefact, I was so weak I could hardly change direction! 

We've had some days just relaxing on the beach, and some nights watching my burn turn into a good base tan which I am determined to top up on a daily basis! I have met some truly amazing people and had a hell of a lot of fun.

Like last night: we started off in a salsa club and I ended up on a cruise yacht stealing three bottles of wine and then sneaking off again to the admiration of my very poor friends. Now that we've got the booze sorted I think we can hit it again tonight.

I'm trying to think of sarcastic and funny things to tell you all but I've just had so much fun I can't make fun of any of it!