Let's see where this ends up..

Hello me- as I'm assuming it's only really going to be me that reads this- the title of this hints at either a kind of culturally warped, confused human being or an incredibly arrogant, uncultured, patritotic sheep right? Well, I'm neither. I just realised today when I'm really thinking, like reeeally thinking in sentences and shit, it sounds all american in my head.
Just to help you get your bearings I was born in Scotland and have lived there all my life but I'm a quarter American which is the biggest hold I have on any place in the world. Apparently my brain has staked its claim.
But you would certainly rather that than a I-can't-see-sunlight-because-my-head-is-up-my-jodpurred-arse-English accent, and it's certainly preferable compared to the whine of the Fife accent (my lovely specific place of birth, shoot me) which sends people from the capital running away for fear of their lives. Frequently, however, they get waylayed in the minutes it takes them to choose what car to drive. Whadda life. (If they wait, they won't get a choice).

Okay so this is possibly turning into a bit of a piss-take of the culture I know best but surely that's understandable and predictable seeing as I choose not even to think similarly! Don't get me wrong, I love Scotland, I think it's great. I could wax lyrical about the beauty of Edinburgh, the rolling hills of the North, the pollution of the Forth and the thank-fuck attitude we take when tourists descend and make us look welcoming and friendly - which is precious as I knock down about 5 tourists a day on the Royal Mile on my walk from work to the train station, your patience runs thin by 5pm.
And I'll probably decide to stay in Scotland (education system, good universities for kids, safer than other places, lack of jodpurred pricks etc) except wouldn't it be lovely to escape just for a little bit to somewhere like say..Oh I don't know-NEW YORK. I would looove to have the life of our 4 favourite women, although perhaps better taste in men,a nd I always say I'm halfway there what with my boyfriend having the same knickname for me as Mr Big does for his lady (my dad sometimes calls me it too, but we don't really go there). But imagine just writing about love, sex, clothes, problems - everything we talk about in great depth - for a living! And maybe even being trusted with a political story or two! The thrill of deadlines, the buzz of NY city, art, theatre, music. Now I'm not saying we don't get that in Scotland but...if NY is the big apple then Scotland is very much the blueberry. Or whatever the prickly one is.


But my love for America does end there to be fair, at least Scotland is a whole country you can get your teeth into.
But getting your teeth into the men.. now this is where it gets tricky. You see, from my experience, American men up until their mid-20s have some peculiar problem which means they have annoyingly high voices, I'm not kidding. When they hit 25 it's like they've dropped another pair of balls but until then I wouldn't go near them with any form of bargepole - especially seeing as their "frat years" start later and so bye bye thought processes.
But then again in Scotland you've not quite got the luck of the gene pool what with it being soo small and....well there just not being that many great looking guys. There was never a perfect one at school - the one with the good cheekbones had skinny legs, good hair was a bit chubby and mr built-like-a-brick-shit-house? well the less said about that nose the better.
In the end I settled for some abominably short, carrot-haired boy because of his lovely personality (a mistake I have been careful not to repeat, don't worry). But the first time we slept together I did get a wonderfully big surprise..and so it lasted awhile.
Ooooh maybe this will be a relationship blog...


But here is the problem- good looking americans with no sexual attraction once they open their mouths vs okaaay looking Scots within whom you can find some very interesting, genuine men.
I, myself, have settled for a Scot - or so we think - but if and when that ends what a dilemma I will have, especially with the dual nationailty making it so easy to go between the two! I've considered Europeans but my mother gave me the advice at quite a young age to just "not bother, very disappointing, all words no play."


Well, now we know her style.